Today in the store I felt like I had lost my son. He was there right in front of me. Yet, it was as if I didn’t exist to him in that moment. I pleaded. “Wesley, listen to me honey. You don’t have to look at everything. You don’t have to touch everything. OCD Flea is bullying you isn’t he?”
After a few hours at a pumpkin patch I brought Wesley to a home decor store. I wanted to stop in for a bit and browse around for a desk for Paul’s office. Painted Sofa is the kind of store that is a vintage shopper’s paradise: multiple floors, merchandise stocked high and all the way to the lighting on the ceiling for sale. There are millions of little trinkets. And it hit me that shopping is torture for my son. Not because he’s a boy and boys hate shopping but because he has Just Right OCD that manifests most deeply as fear and discomfort at not being able to see and experience things unless he can experience and see them top down and side to side – completely.
I wanted him to have some fun at the store too so suggested he pick out 4 Halloween decorations. He immediately started jetting from one table to the next touching, inspecting with a growing feverishness. I could barely keep my eye on him. I tried my best to keep him with me and on track with me as I went through the store. “Honey, let’s not pick up glass things. Honey, stay within my eye-sight, OK? Honey, Yes that’s the cutest. Yes, it’s very cute. Yes, I see it. Yup, I see that. Honey, OK now is mommy’s time to lead. We’re here to look for a desk for dad. Let’s find a desk for dad.” I couldn’t reach him. He was completely zoned out processing everything in sight.
The compulsion to see and inspect and touch every single holiday decor piece grew stronger with every step. At one point I sat down on a chair in a quiet corner and pleaded with him to come to me, to listen so we could come up with a plan to beat OCD for the rest of the trip. He could not. He simply couldn’t. The compulsions were too strong. And that’s when it really sunk in. THIS is what his preschool teachers were referencing having seen in him in moments when he’d destroy the kitchen set, throw chairs or whatever egregious preschool offense I was emailed and called about…that was recorded as poor behavior and misconduct. This experience was a terrible OCD trigger for him. The OCD Flea had taken over and was torturing my son.
Today I was able to look back at Wesley’s behavior on shopping trips and see it for what it REALLY was – a neurological condition. And as I searched online tonight it didn’t take long to come across an article mentioning this ‘spacing out‘ phenomenon that can often occur during an OCD compulsion.
He wanted to fight him but he was simply too tired after a few hours in the sun. And, the Painted Sofa was far too much for him. All he wanted to do was to go home. And now I get it. And I hate myself for taking him there.
The good news is that now I’ve spotted you, OCD Flea. You might be able to hide from Wesley but you can’t hide from me. We will get you. And I have these two holiday decorations to remind me.
Peace & Victory
JM
Defeating the OCD Flea 