No, nope, not today, we’re not going to do that, honey please, come on….AAARGH! I get it OCD! You don’t like to try new things, you don’t like to travel and you don’t care what I think.
I was nervous to go to Canada with Wesley again. When he was just a little over two years old we had attempted a trip that tripped every single OCD trigger imaginable. He was so angry on the plane ride there that he hit me for the first time, upset that dad didn’t come with us. When we arrived at our hotel, he immediately wanted to leave. The next morning, flailing around he ended up spilling an entire coffee on me before a business meeting and I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.
It’s a miracle I didn’t have to be committed on that trip. Just two days into it I woke up to his tiny little face hovering directly over mine asking me assertively if he could go home. I responded by buying any toy with wheels I could find in my small hometown to no avail. Finally, around five days later we left Canada in grand fashion. After fighting to hold my passports out of his reach and corral the luggage we finally made it to security. I asked as politely as possible if he could just keep his blanky in his hand and was met with a firm NO… and another fit. Somewhere in that crazy I also accidentally bonked his head with the security bin. Of course, that propelled the temper tantrum that followed. Having to get from gave 1 to, you guessed it, gate #88 I ended up having to strap him into the umbrella stroller which prompted an epic scene where he arched his back against the stroller as if he was hulking out and screamed at the top of his lungs the entire way to the gate.
Travel is traumatic for Just Right OCD. Travel is all about experiencing new things. Schedules are unpredictable. New people are involved. New physical environments. And all that new stuff royally peeves off OCD as the OCD Flea fights back about every single little thing to attempt to regain control. It ends up coming out as a kid that seems irritable, impossible to please, disagreeable, not prone to listening and generally spoiled.
I wish it were that simple, that he was just spoiled and by just being more strict it would be better. Instead I know that the OCD Flea is the most amazingly sneaky and tricky thing in our lives. He makes Wes ask reassurance questions repeatedly to make himself feel better. OCD Flea HAS to know the time, all the time. OCD Flea all of sudden also has to know how many months until his birthday and despite answering he would ask again and again and again the same questions. Wesley doesn’t know when OCD Flea may pop up so once we settled at one place he battled for the first couple days about going to my dad’s house to spend the time. He didn’t want to leave my aunt’s. He was anxious and irritable when we were out later with another aunt. She had handed him a bag of gifts and got a deadpan response with a long face and barely a smile. I felt beyond guilty for his reaction and wished I could explain it better.
It was as if OCD Flea was causing his brain to short circuit every few hours. He started constantly moving his head and shoulders repeatedly in the same way, a sort of tick-like motion I’d noticed only occasionally in the past. It looks like the collar on his shirt is bothering him. He started switching lights on and off throughout the house repeatedly and at one point lifted some small little metal pieces on each stair rail up and down repeatedly until I intervened. One night he could not sleep despite every attempt and effort finally crashing at midnight. It’s like he didn’t want to be in his own skin. And no amount of gifts, ice cream or time spent would do the trick. It’s exhausting.
I can’t say I conquered OCD Flea on this trip. I feel like OCD Flea schooled us. Yet, maybe not as much as the very first trip there. There were more happy moments than before. We were more equipped.
Last time I wasn’t even keeping my head above the quicksand. At least now we’re sinking a little less deeply into it.
Peace & Victory
JM
Defeating the OCD Flea 