From the time Wes was old enough to draw I’ve watched him draw house after house after house. He started drawing them maybe around the time he was three. Each one would look largely the same with a few small differences. He’d draw the square or rectangle base, a triangle roof and a window with a single cross through it to make four panes. And, one plain door with a dot for a door-handle.
After that first burst of drawing creativity and ownership it’s as if he got stuck. Permanently stuck. He couldn’t draw a single thing more. It seemed to me he simply lost interest and didn’t want to. Maybe every so often he’d venture outside his comfort zone of those small little houses but for the most part he would turn to that same image each time his pen hit paper and he was asked to draw something. This has been like so many things. Rapid progress then groundhogs day. Whatever it is freezes in time. His brain gets stuck.
Last night in Exposure Response Therapy (ERP) I was able to see behind one of those doors of those little houses and into Wes’ mind just for a moment. We were planning to focus the session on exposing him to the discomfort of partially completing something – a spelling test or in this case a drawing.
Out came the house. She asked him to draw it just the way he typically draws it first. He quickly sketched it on the paper sloppily looking annoyed and disgusted with the whole activity. “OCD really doesn’t want us to do this activity does he,” the doctor would say to Wes. He seemed only to get more annoyed as he messed up the paper and drew all sorts of crazy scribbles. She coaxed him into the activity over and over again saying things like, “We do hard work in here. I understand that OCD doesn’t want to be here in this office.” He sarcastically snapped back under his breath that it’s not an office it’s a building or something like that. She was patient. She needed to be.
“Wesley, go ahead and take another paper and do your best to draw a good house. The plan this time will be to leave something unfinished. Can you do that?” He barely agreed but continued anyways. It’s as if you can see the struggle between OCD Flea and Wesley there in front of you although Wes is only a small sliver. “What part can we leave off the house?” “The door,” he responded. “Yes, you can even leave the door knob if you want but leave the square door off.”
Wes started to draw every version of the house except his ‘normal’ one. He drew a circle house with no door…then a square house with a round door. “OCD really doesn’t like this activity. We want to make him mad. How mad is he right now?” “Nine thousand….I mean 90.” He’d waffle back and forth on high numbers he can recite then eventually the doctor would ask what number through 10 and he’d hold up 10 fingers. She’d ask him to stare at the pictures where he’d finally drawn a proper house with no door. Then, after waiting she’d have him draw another one and stare at it again.
Every so often I’d see him reach for the paper and put it in his lap so he could stare at that thing front and center, confronting it. Confronting OCD Flea. He did it. He can do it. And, it’s a far more challenging opponent than I can fully grasp.
Peace & Victory
JM
Defeating the OCD Flea 